The Kennebunkport Hillbilly
(sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song)
Come and listen
to my story 'bout a boy name Bush.
IQ was less than zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while drivin' all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is. Criminal record. Hush money. Cover-up.
Well, the first
thing you know the little monkey goes to Yale.
Couldn't spell his name but they never let him fail.
Spends all his time hangin' out with kids of priv'leged folk.
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold. Nose candy.
The next thing
you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get mangled, maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a commission in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is. Country clubs. Mothballed planes. More nose candy.
Well, it's twenty
years later and the monkey gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, claims that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
So he rounded up his daddy's friends - they're called the GOP.
Fat cats, that is. Racists. Robber barons.
Come November 7,
the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the fool your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.
Before the votes
were counted the five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that's how the monkey finally got to be leader of the nation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. Spurious.
Y'all come vote
now. Ya hear?